An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter.
As he’s drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had too many drinks says, “Hey, what’s that little green thing down there?”
The green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a
raspberry, “SPLBLBLBLT!,” right in the face and runs back to
the Irishman.
The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman,
“Hey, what is that thing, anyway?”
The Irishman replies, “Have some respect. He’s a leprechaun.”
“Oh, all right.” the Englishman says sullenly. They all go
back to drinking beer.
An hour or so later, the Englishman is plastered.
“Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little ******!” he says.
The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a
raspberry again, “SPLBLBLBLBT!”
This time the Englishman is really mad!
“Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again, I’ll Chop his
willie right off, I will!” he shouts.
“You can’t do that,” says the Irishman. “Leprechauns don’t
have willies.”
“How do they pee, then?” asks the Englishman.
“They don’t,” says the Irishman. “They go SPLBLBLBLBT.”
DID YOU KNOW?
Guinness commissioned a study in 2000, which found that an estimated 162,719 pints of Irish stout go to waste every year via facial hair.
The proper Guinness pouring process begins with a cool, dry glass. You want to hold the glass at a 45-degree angle beneath the tap's spout. Pull the handle forward and let the stout flow, filling it up until you reach .75 inches below the top of the glass. Let it settle for precisely 119.5 seconds. Bring the glass to a 45-degree angle again, but push the handle backward this time until the head is "just proud of the glass." Don't let it overflow, and "never use a spatula to level the head." That's just blasphemy!
AND DID YOU ALSO KNOW:
In 2009, Guinness created "Arthur's Day" to celebrate the beer's founding father and to promote the 250th anniversary of the storied stout. The brewing company asked those celebrating to raise a glass at 17:59 (aka 5:59 p.m.), the year the beer was born. The holiday was celebrated for five years, up until 2013 when the company canceled the celebration.
MOST FAMOUS IRISH PIRATE:
1. Anne Bonny (1702 - 1782)
Anne Bonny is the most famous Irish Pirate. Her biography has been translated into 41 different languages on wikipedia.
Anne Bonny (8 March 1697 – disappeared April 1721), sometimes Anne Bonney, was an Irish pirate operating in the Caribbean, and one of the few female pirates in recorded history. What little that is known of her life comes largely from Captain Charles Johnson's 1724 book A General History of the Pyrates. Bonny was born in Ireland around 1700 and moved to London and then to the Province of Carolina when she was about 10 years old. Around 1718 she married sailor James Bonny, assumed his last name, and moved with him to Nassau in the Bahamas, a sanctuary for pirates. It was there that she met Calico Jack Rackham and became his pirate partner and lover. She was captured alongside Rackham and Mary Read in October 1720. All three were sentenced to death, but Bonny and Read had their executions stayed because both of them were pregnant. Read died of a fever in jail in April 1721 (likely due to complications from the pregnancy), but Bonny's fate is unknown.
